Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Just 85%

It stands to reason that She-Spartacus is staying in the presidential race, and not only because suspending the 18-cent gas tax on every $4 gallon of gas ranks right up there with ending slavery, extending suffrage to women, and canceling Apartheid in the annals of human liberation. After all, if she bows out now, who would speak for those who want to save several dollars on gas over the course of the summer? Who would produce tee-vee ads questioning Barack Obama's readiness for the presidency? John McSame? Well, yes, he would speak for them and produce those ads. But still.

Besides which, the Slate Delegate Counter indicates she only needs to capture something above 85% of the remaining popular votes to pull ahead of Obama. Just 85%! And you probably thought I was going to set out some difficult objective!

To say 85% is mathematically impossible would be to state a falsehood. Plenty of candidates have won by 85-15 margins -- I assume it happens all the time, probably every single day. To say that it is extremely unlikely -- to place it on roughly the same magnitude of extremely unlikely as, say, the prospect of live eels springing from her armpits and slithering out the sleeves of her upper pantsuit during her next two stump speeches -- would be to betray a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad anti-She-Spartacus bias.

It could happen, and it's more likely than the eel scenario I just outlined. Live eels don't just spontaneously form in people's armpits! That's crazy-talk! And She-Spartacus reminds us of nothing if not of her practical-minded, results-oriented, oh-so-grounded realistic-ness.

But lest you get the impression I loathe She-Spartacus, not quite. I have qualms with aspects of her personality as I think I know them, and I resent much of what she has done in the course of her apparently ongoing presidential campaign, but I think she would have made a capable president. The following is what it sounds like to loathe her and her neck-albatross, Bill Clinton; it so happens this was written some time in the last 24 hours, but it could easily have been dashed out during any twelve-minute span since, oh, late 1991:

[T]hat is what Bill Clinton really brought to American politics: the total lack of shame, decency, and a sense of the appropriate.

How many times was Bill Clinton pinned to the wall over countless misdeeds, and each time--when any normal human being would turn red, mumble an apology, and slink away--he held his chin up high and went forward. Being grilled on 60 Minutes over his countless affairs? Being sued for sexual harrassment? Being caught in a lie in front of the whole world? Nope, no big deal, business as usual, let's move forward.
Let us never, ever forget that Bill Clinton lied about sex, and this tells us everything we ever need to know about The Clintons and so very much more. It tells us everything we need to know about American history from 1991 until at least yesterday. It is the central reality of our times: not war, not climate change, not the economy, not health care, not torture, not 9/11, not any goddamn thing you could ever hope to cite.

My 'good riddance' to She-Spartacus comes from a different place. But still.

2 comments:

Spherical said...

I don't think the she-whatever-she-is cares about the popular vote. She has witnessed the politics of the last few elections, and knows that you don't have to have the popular vote to win the election. And all she wants to do is win. If she can do something to sway those "Super Delagates," then to heck with the popular vote, everyone will get over it. She wants to be just like Bill, and do whatever it takes to get out of her problem, to heck with the rest of the country, let alone her political party. That is why I view her as such a scary answer to the question, "Who will be our next President?" But Hillary knows the truth of the American mentality, it is not "what have you done for me," it is "what have you done for me lately," or better yet, "what can you do for me next?" Hence, the seemingly wonderful answer of saving 18 cents per gallon (when it just went up 30 cents last night, and don't you think OPEC will just view that as an opportunity for them to make 18 cents more a gallon????).

Dale said...

Spherical, yes. She has proven to everyone that she is willing to make a complete ass of herself in the single-minded pursuit of winning, and I truly hope that's a big part of why my fellow Democrats have rejected (and in some cases denounced) her. Obama speaks of a new kind of politics that breaks out of the Clinton-Rove-Atwater-Bush ruts, and so far, he seems to have come pretty close to that. Whether it will work is an open question.

Obama may or may not defeat McSame in the general election. Whether he wins or doesn't, I will not look back and regret not having nominated She-Spartacus, because I think she's far less likely to defeat McSame.