Thursday, June 19, 2008

The Artificer of All Urethras & His Mysterious Ways

An Oregon teenager has received the answer to his prayers -- a painful and unnecessary death:

The 16-year-old, Neil Beagley, suffered from an inflammation in his urethra, a tube leading from his bladder, which made him unable to urinate, Deputy State Medical Examiner Dr. Clifford Nelson told ABC News affiliate KATU-TV in Portland.

Beagley filled up with urine, and that eventually ruined his bladder, kidneys and heart, said Nelson. He called it "an absolutely horrible way to die."

The teen's condition could have been treated with the use of a catheter, however, Nelson said.
As he is over 14, he was within his legal rights to decline medical care under Oregon law, and his family, fellow members of the Followers of Christ Church, have told police that he did voluntarily opt for prayer over treatment.

Nothing fails like prayer? Well, it depends on how you look at it. Maybe it really was god's answer: "No, Neil, I won't be unblocking your urethra, even though I could do so easily, since I am the designer and artificer of all urethras. You will die painfully and then we'll have a nice long talk about it in the afterlife."

Then again, since god didn't unblock the urethra, it must mean Neil wasn't sincere or sycophantic or pure or whatever enough in god's eyes. So I think we are left to deduce that Neil went straight from his agonizing death to the torments of hell.

Praise his name.

2 comments:

Laura said...

"Police Do Not Expect Criminal Charges to Be Filed in the Death." I'm sorry, but this IS criminal. Maybe he didn't refuse medical treatment, or worse, was pressured by his parents and church to refuse.

The crime for which I hold parents responsible is that of not thinking for themselves. To accept a teaching that says it's ok to let your child die, rather than seek medical treatment for them is criminal laziness. And it's time to fit their pastor with a pair of custom handcuffs as well. And while we're at it, let's put him in a cell without food and water. I'm sure if he gets hungry, he can pray and *hopefully* God will deliver a Big Mac from *Mickey D's*.

Aimee Brons said...

How about God saying, "Neil...a safe and rather simple medical procedure is the answer to your prayers. Your religious pride is going to kill you!"