Monday, August 11, 2008

Hood to Coast 2008: The Thin Line Between Calm and Browbeating

My Hood to Coast team has lost one of its runners, and the only reason I am not browbeating you -- yes, you -- into taking his place on the team is the requirement that the team member be an employee in good standing with my employer, who is generously covering the team's entry fee and expects, in return, that the entire team shall be composed of Worthy Representatives of Its Public-Facing Image. Naturally, this begs the question of how I was accepted on the team, but never mind that for purposes of this precious, precious blog post.

I'm afraid that's the best it gets and only goes down from there, because if it's not that -- that is, if you are an employee in good standing with my employer, and yet I am not entreating you to join the team -- then it is because I don't think you can handle it. Frankly, I think you've let yourself go in recent months and years and would spend the entire time complaining of injuries, slathering foul-smelling pain relievers all over your nether regions, or whining about your travails. And I really dislike whining when I'm not doing it.

Or perhaps the explanation is even starker: it may be because I just don't like you. My fellow Oklahoman Will Rogers famously claimed he never met anyone he didn't like, but to me, that only means Will Rogers didn't spend much time in the company of other people, or traded in a very strict meaning of "met." (While I'm on that curmudgeonly note ...)

Part of me hopes we prove unable to find a replacement and that I am forced to double up on legs. Ah, the glorious stupidity of the thought of that.

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