Monday, September 8, 2008

Ways to Get Noticed on the Internets

Here's a brilliant approach for getting noticed on the internets. It's not for everyone, I admit, but maybe it's for you.

Start with publicly swooning over the vice presidential candidate of one of the major parties -- and when I say swoon, I mean turn it up to 11: swoon so forcefully that you actually advocate the death of the presidential candidate so the vice presidential candidate can take over.

OK, you're well on your way. This should generate a lot of citations of your insanity. Let that simmer and percolate a few days.

Now, revise your post. Re-word the part in which you express how randy you are for the death of the presidential candidate you plan to vote for. This will cause people who cited your first version to need to circle back and note the change, because if they don't circle back and note the change, they risk looking as though they misquoted you the first time around.

Victory! You've doubled the links to your insane musings, and doubled the audience who can appreciate how apeshit-crazy and attention-whoring you are!

For example, here's the way a pioneer of Christian poo-flinging chose to re-phrase his desire that John McCain should die soon after taking office next year:

3. Pray for John McCain's salvation and pray specific imprecatory prayers if he fails to pro-actively defend the sanctity of human life.
Compare that with the old version:
3. Pray for John McCain's salvation and speedy death.
The new version clarifies that John McCain should die if he doesn't personally kick the ass of any person he sees threatening a blastocyst, but there are countless ways to have changed the original. Be creative! There's no limit to crazy.

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