Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Of, By, and For Chuck Norris

One of the high-kickingest actors of this or any generation, Chuck Norris, has seen the election results, crapped into his open palm, and thrown the product onto internet browsers tuned to his latest column, "Obama, now that you work for me ...":

I stand in stark opposition to most of your politics. Still, even in our differences, I realize that we must learn to work together if we are to see our country get back on track. After Election Day, I asked myself, despite the outcome, how can I work for our new president to help better America? Then the thought occurred to me, the first question that should be answered is: How will you work for me? After all, it is "We, the People" of the Constitution for whom you are employed, correct?

So I outlined a few ways you might begin to gain the respect of those who oppose you ...
Notwithstanding the frantic scrambling by the Obama-Biden transition team to address how it will work for Chuck Norris, I believe I've understood Chuck's honey-do list well enough to distill it very briefly: enact McCain-Palin's agenda.

Let it be known, then, that if the Obama-Biden administration governs according to its own campaign commitments instead of those of the adversaries it defeated last week, it will disappoint the roundhouse-kicking star of such films as Braddock: Missing in Action III and Silent Rage.

I confidently speak for millions when I say I wouldn't mind if Chuck Norris's rage grew considerably more silent.

1 comment:

Samuel John Klein Portlandiensis said...

He's doesn't jump the shark. He is the shark that he himself jumps.

As long as he was doing hot martial arts and making corny television shows and b-grade movies, I could disrespect him ... but enjoy the fighting.

Now I just disrespect him. So much easier!

Chuck Norris has just become the punch line to his own joke.

Obama works for HIM now?

Well, he also works for ME; a person who actually voted for him!

Chuck Norris can go pound sand, though, I imagine that the sand will pound itself just to save him a step.