Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Search There

I would have guessed that only very confused, ill-informed, or otherwise mentally-deficient people would actually use yahoo as a search engine, and by golly, based on their listing of top 10 searches for 2008, I would have guessed right! Here is the [thoughtfully annotated] list:

1. Britney Spears [There's not very much to know about Britney Spears, and of that, none of it is actually worth knowing. I know this because I know what's worth knowing -- trust me. Now, I could see a high ranking for Ms. Spears on google's image search, since everything worth knowing about her is available by that means.]

2. WWE [I can only consider this one as anything other than a potent justification for suicide on the assumption that boys aged 10-14 are solely responsible for this ranking.]

3. Barack Obama [The first African-American president of the USA achieves third place in the year in which the nation came to know him and elect him. Third place behind Britney Spears and WWE.]

4. Miley Cyrus [This is a gravy recipe or something, right?]

5. "RuneScape" [Huh?]

6. Jessica Alba [See notes for #1.]

7. "Naruto" [Neruda? Suharto? Cavuto? Or is this the boy band?]

8. Lindsay Lohan [See notes for #6, add element of substance abuse.]

9. Angelina Jolie [See notes for #8, subtract element of substance abuse for all I know and add element of profligate child adoption.]

10. American Idol [See notes for #2, steady yourself, hide the knives, and subtract the qualification regarding boys aged 10-14, as it simply won't do.]
(H/T Portland Mercury)


larryniven said...

Look: at least it's no longer the WWF, which means I no longer have to get confused when somebody says that the WWF wants to save pandas. Take your silver linings where you can, y'know?

Mike said...

Dale,I unforunately know of Naruto. I still am unable to distinguish it from the various other Japanese anime cartoons beloved by my daughter. Despite my best efforts thus far she has refused to acknowledge the obvious merits of Chuck Jones, but she's young.

larryniven said...

Mike - sorry to say, Naruto and Looney Tunes exist in pretty much totally separate genre universes, and trying to get an action (or so-called action) fan to go for slapstick comedy is not the easiest sell. Also, quality universes: Naruto (don't tell her I said this) blows, the English dub even more so than the original. But, if I may impose, there may be hope for her yet. If she hasn't already found them (and depending on her age), you could always try introducing her to the good anime, like Cowboy Bebop or (moving in a slightly different direction) Ranma 1/2. But uh, good luck finding those on any U.S. TV station...

Dale said...

OK, if I understand you two correctly, "Naruto" is a Japanese cartoon. OK.

At least I know. It could have been worse. So much worse.