Monday, December 15, 2008

It's the Only Way We'll Learn

This is only one of the 30 ways to shock yourself rendered in an old-timey poster format I found on a blog post titled "30 Ways to Shock Yourself." I like this one because, even though it doesn't involve shocking yourself by urinating on a live wire, it does involve dropping a nasty-looking pitchfork on your unsuspecting oxen, setting yourself up for a crippling fall from atop a tall haystack, and losing your hat in the bargain. Really the electrocution is only the beginning of the mayhem captured here, and there's nothing to say the scene won't conclude with the man shocking himself because a live wire breaks and finds its way into a puddle of trauma urine.

And something tells me it will be several hours, perhaps the next morning, before the urine-soaked electrocuted man is found. It looks to be a rainy evening, I daresay they're heading home, and the oxen will repay the pitchfork slight by wandering near home (not all the way home, mind you) and giving no outward indication of the mayhem they fled. Someone will eventually think to wonder what's keeping Pa, but they'll only glance out the window and see little except wind, rain, and overcast skies. Eventually they'll chance to see one or both oxen still partly hitched to the hay wagon chewing nonchalantly on the daisies, and then -- only then -- realize that something is truly wrong. After which the search will only begin, and may turn up the dead man cooked in the puddle of his own urine after a period of hours. In the moment's haste, and judging from the vintage of the electrical components pictured, the hazards of electricity are still a novelty, so no one should be surprised if the person who finds the dead man makes the mistake of grasping or stepping in the same hotwired urine. Perhaps death won't come so quickly to this next participant in the mayhem.

And so it goes.


Aimée said...

Now that`s a feel good post if I ever read one ;)

Mike said...

Ah,the possibilities. The wire could drop down and set the hay on fire and roast the hapless farmer,while the pitchfork spooks the oxen,leading to them spreading fire across the land. The wire could fall and electrocute the oxen, providing an excuse for a barbeque. The pitchfork could bounce back up from the post beneath it, come in contact with the wire, and throw sparks everyhere, or hit the farmer and leave a nice pitchfork-shaped brand on his forehead, or set him on fire.

I need help.

Dale said...

Mike, Aimee, the important thing to remember is this: behind every electrocution lies a hilarious anecdote.