Friday, February 20, 2009

Sadly, The Whole World Is Watching

People of the future, I feel your shame pressing upon us. I feel it when a single, uneducated, asset-untroubled woman of our times pops out eight children to add to the six she was already struggling to raise; and I feel it when that woman is featured on nationwide television programs appearing on something calling itself, apparently without embarrassment, the "Cable News Network." There, just last night, celebrity-for-some-reason Joy Behar discussed the so-called "octomom" with a married couple famous (or so I am told) for their own prodigious feats of reproduction.

Asked why the mother-of-14 has scored Cheney-Bush-esque public approval ratings despite her evident breeding prowess, the mother-of-18 professed to have no clear idea. So, naturally enough, she started invoking fictional characters:

I don't know. I think maybe, you know, being that God's given ours one or two at a time and we've kind of done it the old-fashioned way, I don't know. We love them, we're enjoying them, and by God's grace we're taking care of them if he gives us one more. So I just think we're grateful. [emphasis mine]
God, god, god! It's comforting to know that the parents-of-18 aren't doing this all alone, but have called in the assistance of one of the leading gods. That reduces the caretaker-child ratio to from 9-1 to 6-1 in their case, a 33% improvement.

The windows onto our precious, precious zeitgeist did not end with the "expert" insights of the parents-of-18; Joy Behar opened a few windows too:
You know, let me ask you one more question about her. If she did get involved in doing a reality show like you guys are doing, do you have any advice for her? What kind of show should she have? Maybe she needs a baseball team or something. What advice could you give her?
This is, of course, the salient question: what kind of television program can be made from this mother and her brood? And how, in these times of general economic woe and declining advertising revenues, might the new program differentiate itself from the existing reality-based program about a family with far too many children?

It is a question with which all of us must surely reckon; from which it follows that it makes perfect sense that Joy Behar should pose it to a different, but nearly equally fecund, breeding pair of adult humans. They represent us all; they are the guardians of good sense and the voice of experience. They're on television, aren't they?

People of the future, I know that any apology I might give would be grossly inadequate, so I will not insult you further by issuing one.

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