Friday, May 15, 2009

They Laughed When I Blamed the Cats

It turns out I am not crazy about why I am crazy. [clearing throat]

For years, whenever anything has gone wrong, no matter what it is -- an unexplained bad mood strikes, a parks bond measure goes down, athletes I once admired die young, we've run out of cat food, there's nothing worth watching on television, 9/11 -- I have blamed whatever cat or cats happened to be considering me their pet at the time. Emerging science proves I was right:

A parasitic microbe commonly found in cats might have helped shape entire human cultures by manipulating the personalities of infected individuals, according to a new study ... In a survey of different countries, [researchers] found that people living in those with higher rates of T. gondii infection scored higher on average for neuroticism, defined as an emotional or mental disorder characterized by high levels of anxiety, insecurity or depression ... Scientists estimate that the parasite has infected about 3 billion people, or about half of the human population.
In your face, Freudians, Jungians, behaviorists, cognitivists, descriptivists, and other psychological schools! It was always the cats and their brain-rotting, mind-altering, culture-perturbing parasites.

Now I love them even more. See? See what chaos they wreak?

They seem placid enough, they limit their fecal output to a box (mostly), they clear the house of field mice better than hawks or falcons without the feather mess or tendency to clear the house of cats and small dogs -- the pro-cat arguments are, by now, well known to all. But make no mistake: if you're a cat person and not already borderline insane or well past that, it's only a matter of time.

(via Institute of Jurassic Technology)

1 comment:

Bpaul said...

Awesome treatment of the material sir, I tip my hat.