Friday, May 15, 2009

Willamette Week at Reed. Again.

To no reasonable observer's surprise, an editorial that begins with "I’m sitting on the toilet" produces nothing but shit.

I speak of the Willamette Week's latest issue, which takes another gratuitous swipe at Reed College's troubling, unwholesome traditions. Last year's version of the same story qualified as half-assed concern trolling, while this year's rehash barely qualifies as lazy prurience.

For starters, while WW could attach last year's effort to a student death in some nearly-credible way, there's no apparent hook this time around. Its brave author reports having spent three harrowing hours -- only some of it on a toilet -- at Reed's year-end celebration, Renn Fayre, during which she saw things that beggared description -- so much so that if someone died or even got sick this year, the reporter couldn't summon the words to describe it.

Oh, but wait: there's drug-related violence in Mexico! Bingo! one mentioned Mexico, where all that coke came from, or that America’s consumption of those drugs has driven a bloody drug war in that country.
Someone fetch the smelling salts! If they didn't detail the ugliness of the international coke trade, what are the chances that any of those smirking, selfish, coddled sybarites saw fit to mention the crisis in Darfur or the perils of climate change? No wonder the reporter took refuge in a toilet stall.

Then again, it's fair to ask if a person wrote this at all. Perhaps WW has a simple C# program that churns one out every Spring?

I know it's not Spring 2010 yet, but I ask that WW go ahead and run the Renn Fayre Concern Piece subroutine and print the result in its next fabulous issue. I eagerly await its bracing insights.

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