Wednesday, July 15, 2009

iAbstinence

Arguably the strongest argument yet for acquiring an iPhone has emerged from England:

For just 59p, consumers can download an application that allows them to take a purity pledge and then display a silver ring on their phone to prove their commitment to abstinence.

Its creator, Island Wall Entertainment, claims the product will appeal to the younger generation and those people who have not already committed themselves to a life of abstinence and chastity.
I don't know how much 59p is in US currency -- if only there were a way to look up such a thing! -- but it can only be a bargain. What better way to put a halt to any interest a member of the opposite sex might take in you than to splay this purity ring across your iPhone!?! You'll be safe and sound from all such attentions, alone and definitely-not-masturbating at home that night and every night until the proper hour for your initiation into the disgusting, foul, ungodly hazards of sex -- a few months into the marriage your parents thoughtfully arranged with some other asshole parents from your church.

Still, I can't help the feeling of disappointment in two nation-states: Japan, which can usually be counted on to originate things as cosmically weird and pathetic as this; and the USA, which normally leads the way on puritanical idiocy.

2 comments:

larryniven said...

"I don't know how much 59p is in US currency -- if only there were a way to look up such a thing! -- but it can only be a bargain."

Incidentally, Google does this as part of their calculator thing. So just search e.g. .59 gbp in US dollars and you'll get:

.59 British pounds = 0.969783 U.S. dollars

So yes: bargain.

Domestically Challenged said...

Well, yaknow, those rings are mighty powerful devices! A true modern chastity belt! If only young Palin had been wearing hers....

(kicks self for hitting up last year's news) Sorry, couldn't resist.