Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Pajamas

A blogger has certain responsibilities, and at the risk of turning this thoughtful, temperate, controversy-averse, all-things-in-moderation, carefully reasoned, precious, precious blog into some kind of low-rent Cheers n' Jeers, I must comment on these PajamaGrams ads that are presently filling US-based TV sets with noise, stupidity, and sexually-suggestive imagery.

Here's the ad in question -- the Valentine's Day version, though it happens to be identical with the version presently running -- presented twice for some reason:



A more generous person than I would praise the audacity of the ad's central claims: (a) that all women want sexy underwear for Christmas, and (b) that giving your lady-friend sexy underwear for Christmas opens the express lane to her vagina.

Look, guys. I know this time of year can be difficult -- the hockey and basketball seasons are just heating up, while the football season is at its apex with college bowl games and high-stakes NFL matches. People are scurrying around making cakes and brownies, winter ales, and all kinds of elaborate meals with turkey, steak, ham, venison, goose, moose, rabbit, pheasant, bison, squirrel, soylent green -- I mean, the health care bill is passing, right? -- all manner of recently-killed flesh. Amid all this enchanting diversion, the lady-friend seems to expect you to take time not only to buy something for her, but to wrap it in wrapping paper. Whatever, right?

In that dizzying context, this PajamaGrams thing seems like a godsend -- the TV comes right out and says, in a woman's voice no less, that these underwear are "what she really wants." They do all the wrapping for you, and they'll even bundle the underwear with a bunch of that spa-bath-soap stuff women are always yammering about. The women in the ad seem downright giddy, and why wouldn't they be? It's every woman's dream come true, in a single reasonably-priced, pre-wrapped package. It's the one gift that guarantees she'll take her clothes off (I think you know what that means!!), so what kind of moron isn't already on hold with the PajamaGrams people?

I can suggest a kind: the kind who takes five minutes -- we're already speaking as people who experience commercial breaks, right? -- to ask the lady-friend what she likes, and what, if anything, she wants as a gift in celebration of Jesus's birthday. If, in reply to this question, she hems and haws, or finds herself too reserved to say, or asks for something magnitudes beyond your price range, then so be it. I say chances are good that she'll reply with enough information to piece together a good idea for a gift, though I warn you: you might need to listen a little.

3 comments:

MandyinTX said...

I have to say, I would not be offended by receiving a PajamaGram for Christmas - even though that is *not* what I have been dropping hints about for years (the "listening" you mentioned).
What does surprise me is that this is the same company who advertises on my local NPR station, with a quaint little stripped-down ad - I mean, underwriting.

Dale said...

Mandy, evidently the company has an enormous advertising, ahem, advertising and underwriting budget.

It irks me. It's not child rape, but it irks me.

This time of year especially, I get tired of people who "can't" seem to select a gift for people they care about.

MinTX said...

I hear you.
The Lexus commercials drive me crazy for the same reason (even more than jewelry ads - but they are a close second).