Friday, January 8, 2010

Praise for TV's Brit Hume

I hate to be a pointlessly contrarian ass about things, but I apparently don't hate it enough to keep my pie-hole shut about the recent Brit Hume vs. Famous Black Golfer kerfuffle. The scowly-faced FoxNews hack uttered the following about Famous Black Golfer on last weekend's episode of whatever FoxNews was broadcasting at its audience of predominantly retarded hayseeds, whiners, dupes, tea-baggers, recently-furloughed Christmas Warriors, and blastocyst enthusiasts:

He [Famous Black Golfer]'s said to be a Buddhist; I don't think that faith offers the kind of forgiveness and redemption that is offered by the Christian faith. So my message to Tiger would be, 'Tiger, turn to the Christian faith and you can make a total recovery and be a great example to the world.'
Aren't Christians paid -- in the form of promises of heaven, attenuated threats of eternal hellfire, money-saving coupons, and so on -- to say things exactly like this, and to believe them in their precious little hearts? If Christians aren't defined as the people who think a god will favor them for avowing a set of baseless bullshit propositions and rejecting the bullshit propositions (and coupons) of other religious creeds -- Buddhism among dozens of others -- then I've apparently misunderstood what Christians are. But having spent quite a bit of time in their midst, and having avowed the creed myself as a sun-kissed lad, I'm quite sure I "get" it.

I see nothing more outrageous than that Brit Hume is, in the passage cited, speaking as devout Christians speak, condescending as devout Christians condescend, separating the saved from the damned as devout Christians separate the saved from the damned, angling for the money-saving deals for which devout Christians angle, and so on.

I'm unclear on what is outrageous in that. I'll go beyond that and say I like what Hume has done here -- quite unbidden, he has told millions of drooling Fox viewers that Famous Black Golfer's life will never be right unless and until he embraces Brit Hume's god, the one whose scowl is the model of which Hume's is the mere image, the Ticketmaster to heaven's only available seats.

I find it refreshing when Christians such as Hume calmly state that they have all the important answers and that everyone else is bound for confusion, dead-ends, despair, death, condemnation, and countless billions of centuries of anal rape with sharp objects and non-stop re-runs of Mama's Family. We know where they stand. There is no shallow genuflecting at neutrality, ecumenicism, self-doubt, broad-mindedness, fair-and-balanced-ness, or any such fakery.

Statements such as Hume's reveal people such as Hume for what they are: cretins who special-plead a hilariously narrow path through a universe of possible truth-claims, and then have the audacity to call it wisdom, virtue, and righteousness.

Candor is good; candor keeps bullshit-peddlars in the daylight. I say: better a scowling pundit who is willing to openly damn most of the world's people than one who merely pretends not to.

2 comments:

Montag said...

The important point seems to be which faith his wife professes:
Christianity 1 - forgive and forget;
or
Christianity 2 - a divorce rate >50%

Dale said...

Montag, zing!

But seriously. "Divorce" might just be the best one-word condemnation of the intellectual dishonesty of Christianity as it is widely practiced. Jesus was pretty vague about a lot, but he was clearly against divorce. And yet, in large numbers, Christians have collectively decided that he was surely just kidding about that.

Granted, the Catholics have held to it, doctrinally at least. And good for them! [pats them on the head]. Other sects bark just as loudly at it, but plenty have quietly, or maybe not so quietly, let it slide. More than that, a surprisingly large swath of the Protestant sects exist because King Henry VIII didn't feel like never divorcing. Neat!