Monday, January 4, 2010

Push Ups Do Not Grow on Trees

Via Brian of Lunar Obverse fame, I have become aware of the "one hundred push ups" challenge or program or regimen or aspiration or whatever you'd prefer to call it, and within several minutes of learning of it, I have become angry.

Why? Maybe you can spot the transgression in this screen capture. Hint: it can be found toward the lower-left portion of the graphic:



I am too peeved to drop any more hints: the trouble is "make a donation."

Go ahead, make a donation. Please! Please provide your financial support to this important initiative! I swear on the grave of Karl Rove's second marriage that the link I've provided several times here (and here is another, and another) is legitimate. I will go beyond that and note, without sarcasm, that this particular supplication for funds is as humble and unassuming as they come. Give! Give, damn you, give! Give, I beseech you! Let the 100 Push Up thingy endure by donating to its furtherance!

After all, push ups aren't free. Fitness goals do not just fall from the skies like so many rain drops, pigeon turds, or lightning bolts. The idea of working, in gradual, stepwise fashion, from less-fit to more-fit is hardly the sort of thing that a person can be expected to just dream up, or hear about incidentally, or dredge from the commonest of common sense, or adapt from a non-fitness-related realm of life. Dear me, no.

To the 100 Push Ups person(s): Thanks. Push ups are great, and thanks for outlining a workable fitness program for the world. That said, to re-quote tee-vee's Don Draper, in a moment of pique not unlike the one I'm experiencing just now:

Put your nose down and pay attention to your work, because there's not one thing you've done here that I couldn't live without. You're good. Get better. Stop asking for things.
The same goes for everyone else asking for money whose need is somewhere between synthesized and minor, goddammit. Stop it for twenty minutes, and then add fifteen minutes more the next day. Within a week, you'll be down to not begging for money at all.

2 comments:

Brian Moon said...

Your moment of pique serves as entertainment to me! (And thanks for the mention).

I paid no attention at all to the donate link on their page; however, when the friend who pointed me at this program mentioned the iPhone app, and I discovered that they were charging $1.99 for said app, and that they have similarly-priced iPhone apps for situps, squats, and pullups, my amusing anger led me to swear never to give them a single penny, even while I make use of the sweat of their brow. So to speak.

Dale said...

Brian, good luck on the push ups challenge (and chin up challenge) and so on. It really does look worthwhile.

I think I'm suffering from a bit of holidays compassion fatigue. It is understandable, of course, that people will ask for stuff at a higher-than-normal rate at this time of year, given Jesus's birthday, the new year, and the deadline for tax-beneficial charitable giving.

I also understand that under Premiere Obama's noxious mix of Communism and Sharia, times are hard.

Sarcasm aside, times really are hard. I surely don't deny it.

Still. STILL!!

I'd like to open my eyes and ears -- anywhere, any time -- without having someone get in my face and beg for money.