Tuesday, March 2, 2010

The Bunning Doll

Suppose we put aside the dizzying heights of bad faith, if only momentarily, and consider how the course of "fiscal conservatism" follows a familiar, nay maddeningly monotonous, trajectory.

We should count ourselves quaintly old-fashioned for still making chalky, demented, spacey dotards go through its motions rather than leaving it to those dolls that randomize five or six phrases and mimic a few simple body processes.

Pulling the string in the senators' backs produces the following:

  1. Real, live, genuine fake outrage at excessive spending is expressed. Cars roll by. Birds sing in the trees. The planets wheel 'round the sun. Cells divide and carry out their functions. As I said, they're mad as hell and not going to take it any more.
  2. One special doll is mad as hell, no longer running for reelection, and not going to take it any more. The doll will stand athwart spending, not just talk athwart it!
  3. Observers note the foreseeable real-world effects of enacting an honest-to-goodness bout of fiscal discipline.
  4. Like-minded action figures -- first quietly then in public -- vocalize alarm that sounds surprisingly genuine. This is when the dolls wet their suits.
  5. The senator backs off and blends in with the others of his faction who, being things of store-bought plastic, neither know nor care of what they've been vocalizing.
Soon -- often only a single pull of the string away -- we hear the sounds of real, live, genuine fake outrage at excessive spending rising from the faction of dolls who bear the "fiscally conservative" brand. Bats flutter through the air, cicadas buzz, spiders weave, and the cycle renews.

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