Monday, March 8, 2010

Oscar Insult Averted

Whew. This would have been the post for my latest Avatar-related scat tossing, but its non-wins for Best Director and Best Picture have spared us all. Avatar collected the Oscar for visual effects and a few other technical awards, and that seems about right: Super Bowl halftime shows released as films should expect to attain that height of artistic recognition and nothing beyond.

Jim Cameron will have to cry himself to sleep on his tower of suitcases filled with gold bullion knowing one of his ex-wives won Best Director for the film that won Best Picture for some reason, The Hurt Locker. Did you know that members of the US military sometimes engage in horseplay from time to time? That some soldiers, even those engaged in the most hazardous of duties, are not subjectively eager to return to civilian life? That some soldiers have an eccentric understanding of what heroism and duty entail? That Iraqi kids sell pirated DVDs? If you didn't know or strongly suspect these things, I wonder about you, but I will say that The Hurt Locker might open your eyes.

Alas, not as widely as those of Molly Ringwald. Evidently she is being stored in a very brightly lit place judging from the way she was forced to distend her eye sockets to see anything in the stage lighting during last night's show. I'd ask where she has been -- keeping her eyes open in a tanning booth, perhaps? -- but I should pretend I know to be careful what I ask for.

(Image of MR's gigantic eye sockets scraped from this source)

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