Friday, May 7, 2010

Parsing Headlines

I do not quote this from The Onion:

Northampton Police Lt. Michael Patenaude told 22News 50-year old Lord Jesus Christ of Belchertown was struck as he crossed Main Street around 3:30 p.m. on Tuesday.

Twenty-year old Brittany Cantarella of Pittsfield was cited for failure to yield to a pedestrian in a crosswalk.

Lord Jesus Christ was treated for facial injuries at Cooley Dickinson Hospital.
The injuries don't sound serious, so presumably, Lord Jesus Christ rose again and ascended to wherever he came from.

I do quote this from The Onion story headlined "No Parent Should Ever Have to Bury His Child Alive":
One minute you're watching your little boy blow out the candles on his birthday cake, and the next minute, there you are, carrying his little flailing body out to the hole you've dug in the backyard. To be honest, I'm still in shock.

Never did I think a day like this would come. Never did I think I'd someday have to bury my sweet, dear Kyle alive.

No parent should.
On that note, with apologies to those already reeling from the frenzied pace of my posts of late, I will be away from easy access to the internets for a couple of days, so the posts might slow through the weekend. Or I might toss a few brief ones out here via the cellphone-texting machine. Who knows?

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