Friday, July 23, 2010

Day 23 — A song that you want to play at your wedding

I already had a wedding so there's no question of wanting this song or that song to be played at it, but if I were to advise prospective wedding participants,* I would insist they play the Mountain Goats insta-classic "No Children." I don't like the phrase no-brainer, but this is a complete, perfect, and absolute no-brainer.

More than that, I would advise that the charmed couple replace the insipid vows normally served at weddings and instead recite the lyrics to the song, preferably in unison so as to save time and allow all the guests and attendants to loosen their starchy, too-hot wedding clothes and start the binge-drinking:

I hope that our few remaining friends
Give up on trying to save us
I hope we come up with a failsafe plot
To piss off the dumb few that forgave us
I hope the fences we mended
Fall down beneath their own weight
And I hope we hang on past the last exit
I hope it's already too late
And I hope the junkyard a few blocks from here
Someday burns down
And I hope the rising black smoke carries me far away
And I never come back to this town
Again in my life
I hope I lie
And tell everyone you were a good wife
And I hope you die
I hope we both die

I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow
I hope it bleeds all day long
Our friends say it's darkest before the sun rises
We're pretty sure they're all wrong
I hope it stays dark forever
I hope the worst isn't over
And I hope you blink before I do
Yeah I hope I never get sober
And I hope when you think of me years down the line
You can't find one good thing to say
And I'd hope that if I found the strength to walk out
You'd stay the hell out of my way
I am drowning
There is no sign of land
You are coming down with me
Hand in unlovable hand
And I hope you die
I hope we both die

This is part of the 30-Day Music Meme.

* I don't recommend taking my advice in this area.


Anonymous said...

As suspected, you're a hopeless romantic.

Children definitely quadruple (at least) the amount of things couples argue about, although I sometimes think it's really just a symptom of larger control issues in the relationship.

In any case, marriage is tough. Don't let the love songs fool you.

Dale said...

Anon., the fun thing about the song is that all this strife gets going and elaborated without any mention of children (except the title). By that title, I don't know if they're trying to say marriage is doomed without kids or with them. They'd be right either way.