Wednesday, August 25, 2010

No Thanks, Widmer

This year's Hood to Coast packet o' goodies included a coupon from Widmer Brothers Brewing that will
SAVE $5.00 on two Drifter Pale Ale 6-packs or one 12-pack with this special mail-in rebate offer.
If you noticed the text of that very special offer growing from larger to smaller, it's not your imagination, and as the scanned image above attests, the text only gets worse -- smaller in generosity if not in typeface -- as you look on the business side of the coupon.

Note how the offer applies only to Widmer's Drifter Pale Ale, not to their more famous hefeweizen; not that it matters, as far as I'm concerned, because all of Widmer's beers taste a little too much like their hefeweizen, recalling the seminal episode "Duffless" from The Simpsons, in which Duff, Duff Lite, and Duff Dry were all revealed to pour from the same spout at the Duff Brewery.

The requirements for your $5 savings only start with the careful selection of the Drifter Pale Ale. The coupon must be completed in what would have to be tiny handwriting given the tiny size of the blanks -- required fields including complete first and last name, address, city, state, zip code, date of birth, store name, location, and phone number. It was, in a way, generous of them not to demand our social security number, proof of flood insurance, blood sample, and a notarized copy of our birth certificate, but in a more direct and straightforward way, it was deeply asshole-ish of them to demand all of this information for a $5 coupon -- well, $5 minus the cost of postage to mail the completed form to them.

Especially fantastic is the insistence on store name, location, and phone number. Who the hell knows the phone number of a store? Do people regularly place telephone calls to stores that sell six-packs and twelve-packs of beer? Is there some reason I should have been calling the Safeway around the corner or the Fred Meyer down the street? What have I been missing? Am I already dead?

Stay classy, Widmer. Keep your $5, and I'll drink something else.


Anonymous said...

Setting aside the fact that I really LIKE Drifter (FKA W '07), I'm guessing all this hassle for a refund has something to do with the OLCC.

Dale said...

Anon., Maybe so. Still, I have to think a few minutes of mental exertion would have resulted in a better way to make H2C runners into fans of Widmer Brewing. Their beer is OK. They tend to put in a good PR showing at events like this where they pop up ---- not this time, IMO.