Thursday, September 23, 2010

World Class Twaddle! Two Bits a Gander!

Ophelia Benson flagged a pretty amazing bit of nonsense:

There are lots of priests, pastors and theologians in the Catholic Church and in many other denominations who would describe the resurrection as mystery or metaphor. What is essential in these branches of Christianity is the confession of faith in the resurrection, not a scientific explanation of how it happened.
As I was saying over at Eli's post elaborating on Ophelia's elaborations of the difficulties of confessing faith in a metaphor, we should step back and marvel at the bullshit within the bullshit: "resurrection as mystery or metaphor." Whuh? What's this anyway? We pick? Either mystery or metaphor? Is mysterious metaphor an option? What about metaphorical mystery? Or do those lead straight to excommunication and thereon to an eternity of sulfur, fires, broken glass, white hot ingots and such?

There's a danger in squinting too hard to make these kinds of things come into focus, but it's possible the twaddler means something like: "the good Catholic is required to assume that there is something to keep in mind with respect to this resurrection business. The righteous must ponder it and remember it warmly, and if this is pondering is done warmly and consistently enough, Jesus will explain it all in heaven, if anyone still cares enough about such questions to take time away from heaven's world-class theme parks, exotic destinations, and stunning video games."

Arguably it is sort of like the requirement that you assume your grandma means well even when she puts a layer of mayonnaise in the Thanksgiving Jell-O Tower, which comes with the demand that you do not grimace or choke when you eat all of it. And you must eat all of it.

Again, this comes with a great deal of squinting, which, by the way, never exonerates it from the criticism that, just as grandma's Jell-O is unspeakably unappetizing, so too the resurrection accounts are false. We can grunt and sweat and say it's otherwise, but it doesn't make it so.

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