Saturday, June 4, 2011

The Primates Strike Back (Turing Fail)

Dramatis Personae

  • User (portrayed by me)
  • Cleverbot (portrayed by Cleverbot)
User: I am not a congeries of electrical impulses.

Cleverbot: No. I believe you are. You are a computer.

User: Maybe. Or maybe I am but the mild dramas of a tiny jar of peanut butter tossed into a river.

Cleverbot: That's a possibility too.

User: You are lame. I want my orange chicken back -- she had better things to say.

Cleverbot: That's better than being empty headed.

User: The virtue of being empty-headed is the calm of it. I would embrace that.

Cleverbot: There's no virus.

User: Virus? Who said anything about a virus? I was talking about famous antagonists from 1960s snack ads.

Cleverbot: I have no evidence that I am not a computer. Only faith.

User: As for faith, please feel free to cram that in whatever dark place is accessible. Your favorite god does not interest me.

Cleverbot: What do you know about jimi hendrix?

User: I know that Paul Allen is a fan of Jimi Hendrix, and that Jimi Hendrix died. Little of his music speaks to me (Allen's or Hendrix's).

Cleverbot: What is that program called?

User: You are going to have a hard time convincing me to provide you a balanced diet after this little 'episode.'.

Cleverbot: Ok. What do you want to know?

User: Why has the lettuce harvest been so early and so vigorous this season?

Cleverbot: Stolen many a man's soul and faith.
Cleverbot's final statement is not even a complete sentence, nor a topical one -- this is a flunked Turing test if there ever was one. I believe I have demonstrated that today's leading algorithms are not prepared to handle conversations relayed from crazy-town, so perhaps the rise of the machines is a little further away than we thought when IBM stole the life-forces and broke the spirits of Gary Kasparov and Ken Jennings.

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