Tuesday, June 21, 2011

The Right Pee

Don't you just hate it when this happens?

When an apparently drunk man peed in a Mount Tabor reservoir around 1:30am last night, he set off an unprecedented chain reaction.

A security officer who had been watching the man and his four friends drinking from the reservoir guard tower alerted police, then called on the water bureau to take the reservoir offline. Using a new $23 million remote control system, just installed in April, the bureau immediately shut off the pipes leading from the reservoir. The guard and a police officer confronted the men and got their information, including the alleged 21-year-old pee-er.

Then, the water bureau made the call to dump the entire 7.2 million gallons of water in the reservoir, at a cost of over $35,000.* That's one expensive trip to the bathroom.
Given the volume of rain we've experienced this spring here in fair Puddle-Town, we can spare the seven million gallons -- well, let's say that's true even if it isn't -- and it's comforting to know that the city is watching over the diluted urine supply so sedulously. (Or maybe it isn't comforting at all -- let's say it is either way.)

Anway, I say $35,000 is a pittance for the assurance that our heavily-diluted offal comes from possums, raccoons, Canada geese, pigeons, dogs, cats, coyotes, skunks, assorted songbirds, and people who excreted into the reservoir without getting caught.

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